Motherhood Beyond Biology: The Power of Women Who Mother Without Giving Birth

In Mama Narratives, we tell stories of motherhood beyond biology, stories of women who may never have children of their own, or who are still on the journey toward it, yet embody the deepest essence of motherhood. These are women who nurture, comfort, protect, guide, and show up in profound ways. Today, I would like to invite us, especially as Africans, to expand our understanding of motherhood. Let us begin to see motherhood not just in the narrow sense of biological birth, but in the fullness of care, presence, and love.

I have been mothered by a few good women who are not my mothers, some with their biological children, others not. I will share the stories of two incredible women who are currently in an active friendship season in my life, but I will do so in separate blogs. They have played a significant role in my life, sometimes even stepping in where my own biological mother could not. In fact, my mother knows this and has come to deeply appreciate the role these women have played in different seasons of my journey.

After six months abroad, overwhelmed by the demands of new motherhood, I longed for a break. I decided to attend a conference in a nearby country. I reached out to my mama (that's how I call her) to ask if she could host me. Although she was busy, she adjusted her schedule to make time for me.

She received me warmly at the airport, bought me a weekly transit ticket, and literally organized my entire stay, not because I couldn't manage on my own, but simply because she cared. She cooked for me, made me feel like a child again, and even took me to her office to meet her colleagues. I felt deeply cared for, I was longing for care and love, I think I had given so much to my kids, and my tank was empty. During the week, she wouldn’t sleep until I was back in the house after my conference each evening.

On the day I was to leave, she not only accompanied me to the airport, but she also packed snacks for me to eat there. When she realized my cabin suitcase was a few centimeters oversize for the airline, she wanted to buy me another bag. The shops were still closed, so she gave me money in case I needed to pay for the suitcase. Shockingly, despite arriving early, I was denied boarding (it's a long story). I watched the plane take off without me, and I could not believe it. I called her crying and told her I had been denied boarding. She was very calm, she didn't even ask what happened.

As I struggled to find another flight, only to find they were 5 more expensive, I was in distress since I was not prepared for it. She sent me a new ticket for the same day, late afternoon, to my email. This time with a more prestigious airline. She even paid for my luggage to be checked in, avoiding a repeat of the earlier experience. I went back to her house, still shaken and emotionally drained. She asked why I was still downcast. She said, “You never know what God was doing. Maybe He wanted you to meet someone or He was protecting you from something.” I remembered hearing people speaking Swahili on the bus as I headed back to he house. They worked for one of the big health organizations. Maybe I missed a divine opportunity that day because I was too overwhelmed to notice. My research focuses on maternal health; perhaps that encounter could have been significant.

But that’s just one chapter of what this woman has been to me. She has taught me to own my voice, especially in spaces where I stand out as a minority's. She has sent gifts to my children three times before she ever met them. When she finally met them, her joy was overwhelming. My children instantly connected with her, calling her grandma as she lovingly spoiled them. When we were preparing to leave, she spent nearly three hours talking with us about the realities of living in the diaspora at night. Then she prayed and anointed us. Not just a polite prayer but a deep, Spirit-filled, soul-touching kind of prayer. I felt the move of God in that moment and even afterwards.

Another time, when we were homeless for a few weeks(another story), I sent her a message asking for prayer. Immediately, she connected us with someone nearby to support us, and they were willing to host us, except for the distance. This is what motherhood looks like. It is not limited to experiences with biological children. For those who do not have children of their own, please know this: it is not the end of your motherhood story. You can still have a profound and lasting impact on children, young adults, and even grown women who yearn for maternal care. Consider what Michelle has meant to me. We don’t live in the same country, but she is closer than my homeland, yet she is closer than some family. Her house is always home. I leave refreshed whenever I’ve been with her.

To all the women who mother without giving birth, thank you. God sees you. You are needed. Do not give up doing good. And you are mothers. Mothers, especially the young, sometimes need a break; you also deserve motherly love. Let us all reflect on the women who have been mother figures in our lives to express our gratitude while they are still able to hear and see it.